Month: May 2023

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Parents Zone

After promoting to primary school, classmates are completely different. How can we assist the children in adapting?

May 2023

Source: Psychologist, Dr. Lee Wai Tong

 

During the kindergarten years, children spend four years from N class to K3, and they will also make some friends, forming their own circles of friends. But after the summer break, when they will be promoted to primary school, everything can suddenly change. Some classmates may continue to attend the same school but may be placed in different classes, causing anxiety and discomfort.

 

Of course, some children who start primary school and make new friends may forget their good kindergarten classmates. But some children may need more time to develop their social skills, so they may be more concerned about their former kindergarten friends.

 

Parents can keep in touch with their child’s kindergarten friends, especially since most parents have access to kindergarten parent groups. When the child starts school in September, if they find that they don’t have as many friends to play and chat with as they did in kindergarten, they may start to develop a dislike for school. At this point, parents can help by organizing get-togethers, such as by telling a friend’s mother, “My son really misses your son.”

Let these two children develop a sense of fellowship during this transitional period. After they enter primary school and go through a longer period of time, they will also make new friends. However, during this transitional period, we also want to let them know that their good friends from kindergarten are still around, they haven’t disappeared. They will slowly let go of them as they make new friends in primary school.

 

But apart from the separation from their friends, they may also have some anxiety, to varying degrees. For example, if a child really doesn’t want to go to school, it can be troublesome for the mother, and the child may even cry when coming back home or refuse to change their school uniform. After all, their world has completely changed since they started first grade, with different teachers, environments, and more intense class schedules.

 

Usually, after school, a child might say to you, “I miss you so much today!” This sentence is actually a magic word. Where is the magic word? Many parents don’t know and will directly respond, “I miss you too.” However, the child doesn’t understand that when they say, “I miss you so much today!” after school, it actually indicates that they have had some difficulties today.

Going to school is actually very busy. They have to listen to lectures, do classwork, play during recess, have lunch, and participate in various activities. After 35 minutes, they have to switch to another teacher and learn new things. There is actually no space for them to sit and relax, thinking about their parents. But when something doesn’t go smoothly, they will think of their parents first because their parents are their strongest support.

 

So if a child proactively says, “I miss you so much today!” right after school, parents should ask them, “When do you miss me the most?” Then, we will be able to understand more clearly what they are facing. Is it when they have no friends to play with during recess? Is it when the teacher asks a question they don’t know how to answer? Is it when they don’t understand what they are learning? This will help us know how to better assist them.

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Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容，專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊，更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗，讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘，更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

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What parents can do when children start to rebel?

May 2023

Source: Founder of Family Dynamics and Marriage and Family Therapist, Rachel Ng

As children grow up, they begin to learn to say no and may seem to rebel against their parents in everything. This is related to the child’s temperament. When faced with a child who is very persistent, parents may easily feel that the child is not obedient or mischievous, but in fact, this only reflects some of their personality traits. If a child often says “No, no,” parents need to spend more time talking to them and mutually discussing each other’s needs.

Don’t think that just because a child is 5 years old, they are not capable of discussing it with you. In fact, we often speak to children in a one-way manner; that is, we think they are just children. When do they brush their teeth? When do they wash their faces? When do they go to bed? We all think so, and we tell them so! But when a child refuses to cooperate, parents can negotiate with them about everyone’s needs, such as if they don’t like to follow a certain routine or activity program. Parents can let the child express their own thoughts. When they have room to express their thoughts, their first feeling is acceptance from their parents, rather than criticism or rejection.

If a child hears their parents say, “Why don’t you listen to me again? Why don’t you do what I say?” They will feel accused and are likely to develop a sense of resistance, leading to a vicious cycle. To avoid this, parents should listen carefully to what their child is saying and thinking. Parents may think that if they listen to their child, they will only play and not brush their teeth or sleep. This is not necessarily the case. Children who are very persistent just want to express their own opinions and want their parents to understand, which does not mean that they cannot change their minds.

As long as the child maintains a good relationship with his parents, his needs can be communicated to them, and they are willing to listen and respond by saying, for example, “If I can do it, I’m happy to cooperate with you. If I can help you, I’ll be happy to. But if I can’t, I hope you can help me finish my work quickly and give me some rest time.”

Children love their parents very much, and because of this good relationship, they are willing to cooperate with their parents’ needs and adjust their own needs. But if parents do not listen to their children, ignore their thoughts, and do not consider what they want, it will create a confrontational situation. For example, parents tell their daughter to eat her food cleanly, but she seems to deliberately make a mess. This may have already reached the edge of confrontation. Don’t enter into a cycle of confrontation.

In fact, at this stage, the mother should not criticize her daughter too much, even appreciate or find things her daughter can do and praise her, and spend more time listening to her needs, reducing or eliminating this confrontational behavior first. Then, rebuild trust with the child. When there is trust between everyone, we can listen to each other’s needs in every aspect of life. Both sides can look for new ways to satisfy each other’s needs, reduce confrontation, and gradually teach the child to consider not only their own needs but also their parents’ needs and make appropriate adjustments.

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Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容，專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊，更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗，讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘，更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

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Is it important to establish a secure attachment with children?

May 2023

Source: Specialist in psychiatry, Dr. Leung Yuen Shan

 

Every time the child is sent to school, they cry non-stop and have a difficult time separating from their mother. This may be a sign of a lack of security. Many studies have shown that a secure attachment is a foundation for a child’s success in life. How can parents establish a secure attachment with their children?

 

In fact, a secure attachment requires deliberate effort and a lot of hard work from the mother. A child’s trust in the world and their own confidence are closely related to their secure attachment to their mother.

 

When a child doesn’t feel safe, they usually have trouble being apart from their mother. Usually, when a child is separated from their mother, they may cry and fuss a bit but can be easily calmed down. However, a child with an unstable sense of security may become very upset and throw tantrums quickly. This is a sign that parents need to work on establishing a sense of security.

So, how can parents establish a sense of security? First of all, the mother must take care of herself. The mother’s mental health is the foundation of everything. If the mother is not taking good care of herself, she will not be able to take care of her child. If she finds that she has a real emotional problem, such as high mood swings, irritability, crying, insomnia, or the inability to eat, she should deal with it as soon as possible for the sake of the child’s future.

 

Children are constantly building a sense of security and trust in the world and people as they grow. Parents can continue to respond to and pay attention to their children during their childhood and establish more parent-child time through different activities to increase intimate communication. All of these efforts can help the child build confidence and a sense of security in the world.

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Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容，專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊，更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗，讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘，更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

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How can parents help young children adapt to primary school life both psychologically and physically?

Asian adorable toddler smiling happy wear student thai uniform red skirt stand holding book over head and screaming in studio shot isolated on white background, Portrait little children girl preschool

May 2023

Source:  Professor Chiu Wing Kai, Chair Professor of Sociology at the Education University of Hong Kong.

 

It’s already been 3 months into 2023 and summer vacation will be coming soon, followed by the start of the new school year in September. For K3 students to start their primary school life. However, these students have spent most of their 3-year kindergarten education in online classes due to the pandemic, with little face-to-face interaction. How can parents help them adapt to their new academic and social life in terms of their psychological and physical well-being?

 

Students who are promoted to Primary 1 are at most at K2 level because they have not returned to school for at least one full year. There are many things they need to adapt to when transitioning from kindergarten to primary school. These include school schedules, daily routines, and learning styles that are vastly different from what they are used to. Kindergarten classes typically last for around 20 minutes, after which they move on to another subject, but in primary school, classes can be 35 minutes or longer, making it difficult for them to maintain their focus. All of these issues can create significant adaptation problems for young students.

 

So how can parents explain these changes to their children? Firstly, parents should not be too anxious, as many primary schools offer simulation courses and adaptation weeks for new students, as well as school visits. Primary schools are usually much larger than kindergartens, and young students may be excited about the various facilities and opportunities available to them. However, it is best to start talking to them once they begin school, as too much information too soon may be overwhelming. Simply telling them, “Yes, this is what school is like” is often enough.

Additionally, some things that young students may not be capable of now do not mean they cannot accomplish them, they just need time to grow and develop. Parents need to remember that every child has a different growth rate. After starting school, observe their emotional changes when they return home from school, and if you notice any issues, pay close attention to them

 

It takes time for young children to adapt, but sometimes parents also need to adapt. In kindergarten, we refer to it as the Homeroom(regular class location), where one teacher leads the class, and children usually only see one or two teachers. If parents need to participate or collaborate with the school, they can simply find that teacher. In primary school, each subject has different teachers, so if any issues arise, parents need to consider how to communicate with each teacher.

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Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容，專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊，更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗，讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘，更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

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