Are you a “competent parent”?

January 2023

Source: Senior Parenting Expert, Bally 

How can we know if we are competent parents? We can find out how the children get along with their parents and how they behave by observing them, and here are five things we can observe.

First, trust the parents. If a child trusts their parents, we can see it in their eyes and in their responses when they communicate with their parent. When a parent talks to a child, the child looks intently at the parent, understands what the parent is saying, and responds clearly with “Yes! I understand,” and then follows instructions. This means that parents usually have good communication with their children.

Parents often tell their children why they should do something, whether it is a good thing to do, or what they think of it. For example, “I think you did a good job when a child fell down and you walked over to pick him up right away.” When parents tell their children how they feel and praise them for doing the right thing, they will be more willing to listen to their parents’ feelings and reactions, and they will gradually build trust.

Second, be brave enough to tell your parents. If children are willing to tell their parents when they encounter certain situations, it proves that their parents give them a lot of space. They are not afraid of being scolded by their parents, and they believe that their parents will give them the right direction, teach them what to do, and accept their wrongdoing. Therefore, children will slowly do what their parents think is right under the safety net. Communication between parents and children is very important, and we need to give them confidence in order to build a harmonious relationship. No matter what happens to them, it is very important that they are brave enough to share with their parents what has just happened or how they feel.

Third, have self-confidence. How can we tell that a child is confident? If a child looks at his or her parents before doing something and gets a positive look from them before doing it, in this case, the child is obviously not confident enough because he does not know what is right and what is wrong.

When a child can do something confidently in different situations, the parents can see that they can first give affirmation and then slowly tell him whether it is actually right or wrong to do what he just did, which over time will build the child’s confidence. They will know that they do not always have to do something right, as long as they have confidence, they can try to do it first. We will slowly build children’s self-confidence by reminding them of this process.

Fourth, have empathy. If children have empathy in many cases, for example, when they see a child fall, they will go to help the child; when they see an old woman crossing the street, they will want to help her. The fact that he is so empathic indicates that his parents, who are a competent pair of parents, have brought this message to him in their daily lives. 

Because our future education hopes that children will not only take care of themselves but also care for society and pay attention to everything in society, empathy is very important. If children are able to take care of themselves and other people around them in their daily lives, it is important to be empathetic. So parents better pay attention to their own way of dealing with children, because if we have empathy, children will naturally have empathy.

Fifth, the ability to take care of themselves children are capable of taking care of themselves, such as eating, dressing, putting on shoes, etc. This also means that their parents are really competent at their jobs because they have taught them “how to fish, not fish for them.” As parents, we should teach our children that they are capable of coping with their own daily lives. If a child does not learn to put on his or her own school uniform by the end of K2, he or she will lose self-confidence over time and have a tendency to become dependent, gradually losing the ability to take care of himself or herself. It is important to be a competent parent to teach children to take care of their own lives.

Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容,專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊,更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗,讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘,更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

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Is it true that children who can sit still are learning well?

January 2023

Source: Family Dynamics Counselor, Chan Tsz Wai

Under the current social trend, many parents are worried that their children will not be as smart as other children, that they will not be able to go to a good school, and that they will not have a future. But in fact, the earlier a child can sit still and listen to instructions, the better he or she will learn in the future.

 We first need to understand the brain development of children. In simple terms, the brain can be divided into three layers, from the bottom to the top, in order of priority. The bottom layer is our brain stem and cerebellum, which is responsible for our basic survival functions, such as breathing, heartbeat, body movement, and body coordination; in the middle is our subcortical brain, also known as the sensory brain, because it is responsible for our emotions and memory; and the highest level is the cerebral cortex, where many parents want their children to be smart, to learn more, and to concentrate, which is responsible for our concentration, language, abstract thinking, and logical thinking.

However, parents should be aware that our brain development is not complete until our thirties, when our highest level of thinking brain development is achieved. In fact, it depends on whether our lower brain layer has a good foundation.

Children between the ages of zero and two are at the time when their lowest level of activity is developing most rapidly. So they need a lot of physical movement and sensory stimulation to help their brain development. If we force them to sit down too early, we will not be able to build a good foundation for their brains. Many studies now tell us that if we give children a lot of academic training too early in their lives, they will have relatively weak concentration, emotional regulation, self-confidence, or learning abilities. This is why we are seeing many children and adolescents with depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems at an early age.

In addition, children at this stage need to feel safe because their brains are not developed enough to calm themselves, so when they are uncomfortable or feel insecure, they will cry loudly for help. This is a natural need, and parents who encounter a child in this situation can hold him, pat him, or tell him, “Mommy is here!” Maybe he feels insecure when he goes to some unfamiliar place, and if the child establishes a healthy sense of security and parental relationship at this stage, this is actually a good foundation for future healthy development.

As for choosing a kindergarten, parents should know whether the school can match the growth and development of the child, or when the child is preparing for the interview, parents can go to the school earlier to observe the school and its surroundings and take their child to play so that he or she can get familiar with the environment. Before the interview, you can take him to play and tell him that the teacher will play with him and he may talk to you, so there is no need to put too much pressure on him and he does not know what will happen when he enters the school.

 

But finally, if parents find that their child’s development, such as language, self-care, and social skills, is not as good as that of children of the same age when he or she reaches the age of two, they should seek an assessment from a pediatrician as soon as possible to find the right way to help him or her.

Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容,專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊,更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗,讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘,更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

How should parents express their love for their children?

January 2023

Source: Parenting Specialist, Ken Sir,

Some mothers often ask me, “How should I show my love for my children?” Will it be spoiled by expressing too much? I think that Chinese people are more introverted and are often afraid to express their love. Especially when you want to express your concern for him but end up with a different attitude.

I once saw a mother and her little child lost in Shatin and then reunited. How did the mother behave after the reunion? She grabbed him by the hand and hit him while saying, “I just couldn’t see you; do you know how scared I was?” I am very worried about you. What can I do if I can’t see you?

In fact, everyone knows that his mother loves him, but the child cannot feel it. I often share an example of how to express love in my lectures. When I was a child, my father ordered a drink, and since he didn’t have much money at the time, he asked the waiter for an extra cup after ordering a hot drink. He kept pouring the drinks around in front of me, trying to get the drinks cold as soon as possible so that the kids wouldn’t burn their mouths when they drank them and they could drink them faster, but I found that if the kids asked their parents or I asked many of the student’s parents, they would all answer, “This will get cold faster.”

When responding to children, parents should express their deepest feelings, such as “Because I love you, how would I do this thing if I didn’t love you?” Do I do it for the one next to me? In fact, there are many things we can do in life to express love, but there is one thing we must remember if we are to avoid causing spoiled, you must remember the following two points.

The first point is that if a child can do something, he should be allowed to do it; you should not fight to make him do it. The second point is that when a child makes a mistake, we should correct him. In the process of correction, we should be gentle and firm, and serious when we need to be serious. However, remind the child that he or she should be told the solution, not just no or wrong. If so, the child will not improve.

Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容,專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊,更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗,讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘,更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

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Parents Zone

How to build self-confidence from a young age?

January 2023

Source: Aristle International Kindergarten, School Supervisor, Vivian Wu

Parents may ask what tips are available to help children build confidence easily from a young age. I think young children need love. He may be more self-centered and place a lot of emphasis on his relationship with his caregivers, so I think relationships with parents and caregivers are very important. If he has enough trust in the people around him, it will be easier for him to build relationships with the people around him in the future.

The second point is that many parents now go to play groups more often, and often parents take their children to parent-child classes and can finish them without interacting with other children at all. So many times, parents say it is better to take him out to play more often. In fact, going out to play more often or going to play groups more often does not mean that the child’s social skills or the need to socialize with other children will increase. Take the school’s Play Group as an example; the school will try to encourage more interaction between children, such as exchanging objects or even taking care of the people around them. It is hoped that children will know how to share or take care of others, which will help them build social relationships with others in the future.

One thing that parents can do is to start building their social skills early in life. For example, when you take your child out, you can greet people you see in your daily life, such as neighbors, security guards downstairs, or even your aunt near the supermarket. Perhaps starting with gestures as an infant and then using words every day can become a habit of building relationships with people.

The last thing that many parents may not have noticed is that, in my experience, many children who are more introverted or less talkative, or who may not be so outgoing, You will often find that their fathers or mothers have similar personalities, so I think it is important to teach by example. Parents may want to try to take the first step themselves because children often learn by imitation. Parents may want to adjust their own expectations if one of the parents is not an extrovert. I don’t think you need to put too much pressure on yourself or your child to become particularly extroverted.

Parents Daily 為全港父母提供關於親子育兒、升學的豐富短片和內容,專輯內容包括「有星有Say」、「校長有話兒」等節目。我們以輕鬆活潑的方式為父母們提供培養孩子的資訊,更會邀請幼小校長、名人、資深教育工作者等分享教學、親子心得和實戰經驗,讓父母可以在這裡得到實用資訊之餘,更可認識更多互相分享、互相扶持的同行者。

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